Three different people are called or request to follow Jesus. For all three, we only know the dialogue. We do not know the aftermath of the conversations. Going back to the core twelve disciples, the specific callings are recorded for only about half of them. We do not know the details of how the others began to follow Jesus. They events could have been similar to these:
Event 1
Request: I will follow you wherever you go.
Jesus' response: Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.
I think Jesus was warning the man ahead of time that the ministry that Jesus was doing involved a lot of travel and living off the land. Jesus had no "home" but was moving between different villages. If this man wanted to follow Jesus around, he needed to be prepared for it.
Event 2
Jesus' Call: Follow me.
Response: Lord, first let me go bury my father.
Jesus' Response: Let the dead bury the dead, but go and proclaim the kingdom of God.
The "dead" burying "the dead" is a nebulous statement. Taken literally, it makes no sense.
Possibility 1 - the man's father was still alive and the man was asking Jesus to let him take care of his father until he died. This could be a longterm delay, possibly even years.
Possibility 2 - the man's father had recently died. Thus, it would be a temporary delay. Also, why does Jesus not go and raise this man's father from the dead?
Regardless of what is going on, Jesus modifies the man's instructions based on the man's response. It went from "follow me" to " go and proclaim".
Also, Jesus does not rebuke the sentiment of honoring one's family other than saying the nebulous statement "let the dead bury the dead", but then he gives permission for the man to leave anyway.
Event 3
Request: I will follow you, but first let me say goodbye to my family.
Jesus' Response: No one that puts his hand to the plough and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.
I do not read this as a rebuke or that saying goodbye to one's family before physically leaving is wrong. Rather, it seems like a warning. I think that Jesus was allowing the man to go, but giving him a warning that if he goes back to his family and "looks back" at the old life, then that is a problem.
Likewise, it says fit to "serve" the Kingdom of God as opposed to "enter" it. Based on that, I do not think it has anything to do with becoming Christian or not, but rather involves service once one is already Christian. Looking "back" makes one ineligible to serve.
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